I'll Guess I'll Never be a Gamer

I did something out of character for myself yesterday, I bought a game for the PC. It is well known around our place that I hate games. I hate them for a whole lot of reasons. It seems to me that the craze of gaming has ruined the potentials of an generation of kids who lack the will power to turn them off and get on with living. There is no wonder we have a nation, which for the first time in its history has identified child obesity as being its number 1 health problem, and I blame video games as the main reason.

The youth of today has become obsessed with an unhealthy, addictive pastime that involves them in relationships with mythical beings whose main objectives seem to be the electronic destruction of enemy caricatures. This constant interchange can't be healthy. It used to be said you are what you eat and you can tell a lot about a person when you look at the company they keep. And you know what its still true. The environment we place ourselves and the relationships we make eventaully define us. Its kind of scary what we are going to find in 20 years as the first generation of addicted gamers reach their mid to late thirties.

Anyway, back to my game. I bought Tiger Woods PGA Tour Golf 2006. I only got it because it was storming out, I had a gift card to Future Shop in my pocket, I enjoy getting out and golfing, but mostly because I had a momentary lapse in judgement. So I thought when I am at home this evening I will start this up, relax by pretending to play some golf and enjoy the scenery of the replicas of famous golf courses. Notice I put in the word relax, let me give you a look into the future - "not to be". Now my wife is an avid gamer, she glues herself to the computer screen for hours on end playing things like Laura Croft, Doom, Age of Mythology etc, etc, etc. So when I told her about the game I had purchased, her eyes lit up (even though she hates golf) and she set about doing the installation.

I left for the corner store and when I returned after my daily socializing and catching up on the days happenings in Eldon she said to me "this is a big game, its still loading". So I made a cup of tea and sat in a corner of the living room while she continued her struggles with the demons of technology. One thing I learned a long time ago is that no matter how much frustration she is experiencing at her computer, even if you could fix it in a moment its best not to interfere. Finally she informs me that the game is installed and I look forward to starting it up, but whats this, her eyes glass over and she is giving it a try, so knowing my place I have some more tea.

As the strings of profanity increase in both volume and frequency I realize that all is not well in the land of the "Tiger". Finally she says, I'll figure it out tomorrow and leaves. Its not that I have any great love for mental anguish but I think well I'll give it a try and start it up.

Here is what I have now learned about "Tiger Woods PGA Tour 06". First the fu**er that put this together is a mean, mean b*st*rd. You can't just play this game. In fact it takes you an hour to figure out that you have to create a character and when you do you can't just start playing, you have to go through a zillion steps to find out how you buy your clothes, clubs, lessons etc. Then you find out that there are only a few select courses you can play except they don't tell you which they are or where to find them. So I thought I would go online and find out the answers to these questions, thats when I discover that the only person meaner than the b*st*rd who programmed the game is the evil piece of sh*t who figured out that how to squeeze every nickel you ever hope of owning from your greasy little palm right into his pocket if you want to actually play it.

The whole game is structured to get you paying to play online, and pay for every moment you play, and for every question that you ask. Now I understand why they do not include a user manual with the game.

Bottom line, I hate the game and everything associated with it, from the little pr*ck who sold it to through the designer of the ATI 9200 Video card that makes it work to the programmer, and ending with the Board of Directors of EA Sports. The Pox on them all, may their d*cks all drop off, I'm going back to Wednesday night cribbage and wait until spring for the real thing.

NOTE: I was listening to a conversation yesterday between two avid gamers. The topic was that games are getting to complicated and one said they were getting sick of getting an expensive game and then not being able to use it either because it didn't fit with the computer or some part of it and then because it takes to long to figure the damn thing out.