When news becomes entertainment

I am tired of listening to non-news items and think its time for most news shows and channels to cut back. Its a phenomenon that has been building for years, the need for news items to fill up 24 hours a day. What was once taken for granted as life is now sensationalized to become entertainment. When I turn to the news, I want real news, "China Declares war on Japan", now thats news, Man bites Dog is not. I guess everything that happens is news to someone but please come up with a definition that separates the wheat from the chaff.

There are so many sources now and they have an appetite to fill up air time and there is only so much news to report that is real news. I just read an item that made me realize how desperate the networks are to avoid dead air.

Somewhere in BC a wheel fell off a bus and the sidebar was that it happened as students were heading home to start their spring break. This made the headlines!!. All I can think is that I could have been a media star, a real contender for news maker of the day had I only been born in a different time.

When I was going to high school I had about a thirty mile drive from where the bus picked us up at the old Drummond Creek school to take us into Battleford. We were a mixed lot of high school students and as we got closer to town we picked up some younger kids because they didn't have a one room school anymore.

Our bus driver was a fireman from North battleford who was working a second job to make ends meet. He worked shifts and you could tell when he were coming off an all nighter by the way he hunched over the steering wheel trying to stay awake. We had some interesting incidents that I am sure would make headlines today. How would this be for a catchy headline "Bus Driver falls Asleep on Job, 15 students narrowly escape death, or its follow up story "Bus Driver Falls Asleep for Second Time in Year". Wow we could have made the national, and been interviewed on everything from Larry King to Mike Duffy because this happened.

He really new how to burn the candle at both ends. We called him Billy Buffalo because in the winter he had one of those big furry buffalo coats the Mounties used to be famous for. He made for quite a sight when he was at the wheel of the 1948 GMC bus we called home for about an hour and a half each day. He had a habit of putting his hands together and hunching over the wheel so that the steering was done more with his forearms than his hands. It was also a good position to rest in, if you were suffering from the two maladies he was afflicted with, first lack of sleep from working all night, second lack of sleep from partying all night. We liked him because once the Hanterman kids were dropped off (Grades 1, 2 and 4) there was only high school students left on the bus and chaos was free to enter the world. We knew that we couldn't swear or enter into objectionable behaviour while the little kids were aboard, it was a kind of a code we followed.

Enter the sins of Billy Buffalo that made our little ship newsworthy in todays headline hungry world, and what newsworthy sins they were, driving while under the influence, driving while asleep and thirdly driving a bus that at times only had three wheels. But Billy also had talent, particularly on mornings when the smell of stale Seagrams Rye Whiskey enhanced by a raw throaty smokers cough greeted us as we boarded our yellow chariot to higher learning. His talent was that he could drive at all times with his foot to the floor and keep the bus with its half steering wheel of play between the ditches, while reaching maximum velocity in each gear all the way into town. And to make it even more awe inspiring, he did it on a gravel highway and when drunk or hung over could reduce the travel time by about ten minutes as he desperately headed for his lair and some much needed sleep.

We never had an incident when he was in that condition and the best headline that could be expected might be "Drunk Schoolbus Driver Sets new Speed Record Between Drummond Creek and Battleford", wonder which part the news group would hone in on, the drunkedness or the speed?

It was a different story though when he fell asleep, even a talent as large as Billys couldn't keep the bus out of the ditch. But he did have the uncanny knack to keep the wheel straight on the two times he tried taking a different and unsanctioned route to get his charges to safely to good old Battleford. The first time could have happened to anyone, how could anyone asleep at the wheel have known about the 90 degree turn about 400 yards from where the bus on the road from Drummond Creek would meet the highway. It was a magnificent effort as slumped over the wheel, sound asleep, forearms locked, he kept the bus going straight ahead into Nyholts field where after regaining consciousness he made a circle through the wheat back onto the road and on our way without missing a shift change. The second time we were once again saved by the iron grip of Billys forearms as he sped through the dead end where Hantermans road met the highway and we were able to experience the thrill of ploughing across a foot of snow before coming to rest about 100 yards into Stan Carletons field. What a talent the man had for safe driving while sleeping.

But back to our headline story about the missing wheel in BC.

As you left the sand hills on 29 highway heading towards Wilkie the road was straight as an arrow and entered a slight decline that lasted for several miles, a natural spot to make up time. The old bus could really get rolling on this stretch. And on two ocaissions on this same stretch the old 48 GMC decided to part company with the left front wheel. Now the funny thing was that you would think the left side of the bus would drop onto the ground and dig in, but that never happened. It dropped a bit and touched ground, but rather gently. I can still remember watching the wheel speeding down the highway all by itself at 65 miles an hour until as it was almost out of sight when it made the ditch on the left hand side and headed out across Tommy Yeonans summerfallow field. A pack of us headed out to retrieve the wheel and after locating it about 300 yards off the road and a half mile down the highway we rolled it back to the bus. Being a resourceful type Billy had the bus jacked up and had removed lug nuts from other wheels to come up with enough to firmly secure the front wheel back in place. After a cautious drive for a few miles to test things out we were once again back up to speed. Second time was similar except the wheel coming to rest was more spectacular as it headed out at an angle from the bus into the ditch and when it came to the bank at the other side became airborn after taking out a fence and crashing through some trees, it was very exciting.

I think at least one of those items would make the headlines today, but we seemed to take it all in as "business as usual".

Bring back the Lash.

I have a very unpopular opinion on how to prevent crime and vandalism in our youth and those engaging in drug offences.

I think we should have public adminstration of justice once a week. In the wintertime it could be held on the main stage at the Confederation Centre of the Arts to allow people to come in from the cold. In fact I think we could even turn it into a tourist attraction and make a few bucks. I even have some candidates for the first show. Over the past weekend some delinquents drove around town smashing windows in cars and houses, there were quite a few that were reported and details are in the paper, and Miles and Renae's car was one that had a smashed window.

So these guys are caught, now here is how our present system works. Apprehension, where they are brought in and interviewed, followed by possibly a day in court or more likely a settlement where they have to apologize. If they go to court they might get a fine with no follow up as far as collection goes, maybe visit a probation officer a few times. The bottom line is that there is no real punishment and and no real consequences for what they did, the only consequences are to the victims.

Now here is my solution. Shackle these little pricks for their appearance before the court of public opinion, do a little advertising because I am sure these same guys have built up a reputation with a lot of people. Lead them out onto the main stage in front of the townsfolk and read the charges, give them an opportunity to explain why they decided it would be a good idea to go out and smash a bunch of property belonging to people who they never even met. Maybe they will have a good explantion (laughter). Read what the results of this mayhem was, how it affected people etc.

Now the good part. Bend them over a nice strurdy bench and drop their pants enough to expose their buttocks. Bring a husky policeman with about a 5 foot cane. ( It would be therapeutic for the cops to, because finally they would see some justice dealt out) I think about 6 solid strokes for an offence like that would be fine, enough to make sure the humiliation was matched with the appropriate amount of tears and crying. I say 6 strokes because thats what the Singapore court, who have experience in these things dealt out to the American kid who went on a car scratching spree while visiting that country got.

Remember the incident in Singapore that got all the Americans worked up when an American kid was caught scratching cars with a key. The Singapore court sentenced him to 6 strokes with a cane. Even President Clinton tried to intervene. The Liberal press went wild, the talk shows had fodder for a week or so and the editorial pages were filled with protests. Funny thing is, Singapore has virtually no crime and no vandalism, streets are clean, citizens are safe, its a nice place to live. Children excel in school in a environment where they can learn because there are no spoiled brats that are allowed to get away with mayhem. Compare that to here, lenient courts, schools can't discipline and when a little prince or princess cracks someone with a stick a vicious timeout is administered followed by a counselling session to get hostile feelings out and a dish of ice cream. No wonder we have so many youth that are an embarrassment to themselves and their families.

Like I said it could become a tourist attraction and would bring a sense to the thousands of victims of senseless crimes that maybe there is a bit of justice left in the world. As far as a deterrence method, do you think it might make them think about whether the pleasure they got from smashing something was worth the pain of having a blistered ass.

In the summertime we could move it to Saturday nights at the Charlottetown Driving Park. Might help build up the crowds and maybe we could get it simulcast as I am sure there would be lots of frustrated people who got completely screwed by the court system when they were victimized that would tune in.

So there you have it, I rest my case.