Friday, February 25, 2005

Road Kill Candy and a Fishy Story

I came across two items in the paper a while ago that caught my attention. The first was about some local fishermen.

It seems they had gone out fishing and while they were killing some time had decided to fillet a few for supper. Now when I go fishing if I catch a few big enough to eat, my practice is to clean them on the spot. I gave up years ago of thinking that my wife would be impressed with my hunter gatherer prowess if I brought home a nice big uncleaned fish for supper. I know this to be true because on the few occaisions I did just that, there was no reward for me. I quickly learned that women want their fish in a package, all washed and ready for the oven. They won't clean them, and if you do it at your sink you end up with fishy smell on the counter and a nice pile of guts that you don't know what to do with.

Thats where cleaning them where you caught them comes in, catch them clean them, put them in a bag. No mess, no smell, no slimy kitchen top, no disposal problems and you are contributing to a healthy environment by returning a portion of what came from the sea to the bottom where crabs and scupins will make short work of your offering.

Doesn't sound like much of a story, well it isn't until you get DFO involved. Apparently these fishermen, commercial fishermen they were, decided to clean a few for supper. I guess the wives of these fellows had also gotten the message across about women not being been impressed with a nice fresh fish carcass in their sinks. Along pulls up a DFO fisheries boat alongside and they come aboard. This is just a guess, but I think that commercial fishermen know the rules of their trade so they were probably pretty surprised when a fisheries officer held up a few fillets and said to them, OK boys, the jigs up, its off to the hoosegow for you.

The crime, they filleted some fish on board the boat, and as a result the officer couldn't tell what kind they were or how big the original fish has been. Doesn't it make you proud that these boys are around to protect us from ourselves. When I see write ups about fishermens meetings and they are going on about DFO this, and DFO that and DFO being a bunch of fuckheads I think, these guys should calm down and reason with the fisheries department and I am sure a rational approach to management will evolve.

Well I just changed my mind, any enforcement agency that arrests and charges some fishermen who clean a few fish for supper while out at sea have been pegged right, they are a bunch of fuckheads.

Its not often that two candidates for nitwit of the month appear on the same page of the paper but there it was, the second nominee, some guy from the SPCA challenging for the Golden Nut Award.

There was an entrepreneur who made candy, and trying to increase sales he came up with a recipe like what gummy bears are made of. It tastes prety good those gummy things, in fact my grandchildren love them. Especially some that are in every store called worms. Thats right, worms. They mould the candy, which has a soft feel to it into the shape of a worm and the kids get a great kick out of dangling them above their mouths as if they were a little bird baby and someone was feeding them. Pretty icky when you think about it, but the kids love it. Actually these things have been around for twenty years or so, I know because I can remember my own kids eating them.

As near as I can tell none of them were scarred by the experience, none of them graduated from the fantasy world of kids eating candy shaped worms to an adulthood where dinner is produced by 10 minutes effort with a spade in the garden. I can only deduce my kids were smart enough to recognize the difference between a candy worm and the real thing.

Well the SPCA guy didn't think like that. It seems that this entrepreneur made a mould for his gummies and he even had a name for them "Road Kill Candy". The moulds were of the things we see on the roads all the time, squirrels and skunks and coons. Except these critters all had a set of tire tracks across their middles. This offended the SPCA mightly and this bird proclaimed that these eaters of Road Kill Candy would be turned into animal hating drivers, who when they grew up would certainly cruise around looking to relive the days of their youth by crushing every animal they could get in their sights. The worst that could be said would be, its in bad taste, but so were the worms, lighten up, kids like this stuff. Drum roll please.

The Golden Nut Award for today goes to them both, lets have a big cheer for those protectors of the seas and the nations roads DFO and the SPCA.

Friday, February 18, 2005

The pile is starting to reek

In 1983 I had to make a very difficult choice about the future direction of my life and that of my family which at the time consisted of a wife and six children. Did I continue in private business or go to work for Government you see I had just been offered the job of Administrator of a Government facility in Montague.

Now for most Islanders it would be a no brainer, take the big Government job. On Prince Edward island that is seen as the goose that lays the golden eggs and I gues in lots of ways it is. But there were a lot of issues I had to work out in my head first.

With my background and coming from British Columbia you see people who worked for Government were seen as being the bottom feeders in the job market. Working for Government was widely seen as the option you took if you couldn't be successful at anything else. So here I was, faced with a dilemna. I weighed the pros and cons and tried to make an assessment of what would be the best thing for my family. here were the factors, I could make a lot more money outside of Government, but the downside was that it took a lot of time and effort. Government provided more stability and did gave you free time as it was only a 37.5 hour week, something I had never experienced. You see most of my life I worked an average of 60 hours per week and that was what seemed normal to me. But there was a downside to that it left me constantly under pressure to put in more time with my family. Work can be addictive and it can easily become the dominating factor in how you live your life. At the end of the day I decided to go to work for Government and the overwhelming reason was that it gave me time to call my own and have a life outside of work.

Now coming to Government in 1983 was actually a pleasant experience. My introduction and orientation lasted for about 30 minutes and consisted of signing some papers and setting up my payroll, but as far as what I was supposed to do, there was a job description, but that quickly proved to be virtually useless..I vividly recall my supervisor who made the trek out from Charlottetown telling me, there's been a lot of trouble here so all I can say is 'work on relationships. After 30 minutes he introduced me to my staff and then left. It was going to be a baptism by fire I could tell, one of the long term staff members told me how things operated around here, a section head informed me she didn't want anyone walking through her part of the building and another informed me he was entitled to a bigger office. Hell of a first day when my sum total time spent interacting with Government was getting my drivers license and registering a vehicle.

When I was 18 I woke up one morning and as it was raining, couldn't get any farm work done, so out of the blue I called the Government in Wilkie and said I wanted to get my drivers license, Ok they said come on in, so i trekked off to Wilkie located the office and got parking spot right in front of the door. I went in told them what I wanted and someone set me down at a desk gave me a paper with a bunch of driving questions on it and said "answer these and then give me the paper back". Seemed simple enough, I finished, turned it in she checked off the answers and said "good, that will be three dollars". I produced the money and she did her thing and gave me a slip of paper with my name on it.

Great I thought until I looked at it and it said - beginners permit, "wait a minute" I said "I wanted my drivers license". "Oh" she said, "well now that you have your beginners permit you can learn to drive" but I replied "I already know how to drive, I've been driving for a long time. I came in for the driving test. "How did you get here" she asked "I drove" I said, "but you can't drive without a lisence" she responded, "I know" I said, "thats why I came in, to get one. "Well how are you getting home" she asked, "drive" I said, "but you can't drive without someone who has a lisence with you" "really" I said "I just came in by myself, my parents were busy". We had hit an impasse.

She went and talked with a guy who came out to see me, "I want to take my driving test now " I told him, "OK lets go" he said. We settled into the car, I started it up and began to back out of the angle parking spot. "Thats enough " he said " pull back in". I guess he must have been in a hurry because we never went for the test drive. I have to admit I was kind of disappointed because before I had left to come into town I had had set up a barrel about 30 feet behind the tractor and practiced parallel parking, I wouldn't have minded showing off.

Anyway the girl asked me for another 3 dollars for my lisence and I tried arguing I had already paid once and didn't want the beginners permit anyway, I felt it was very unfair because I had only had it for 10 minutes, but she wouldn't budge. That was my first introduction to bureaucratic rules, but at least I got my license.

My second encounter with government occured about 10 years later and came close to ending badly. We had moved to Victoria BC from Saskatchewan and after being there a while I went down to the Motor Vehicle registry to get BC plates for our truck. I made the stupid mistake of heading down at about 11:30 and found myself at the back of a long line of people. At 12:00 o'clock the 2 wickets everyone was heading towards closed down and the staff went for lunch. I spent the next 1/2 hour doing the left foot - right foot shuffle in the heat until the wickets opened again at 12:30, now I wasn't as patient then as I am now so was not in the best frame of mind when my turn finally came.

I was asked to produce my registration and insurance which I did, the clerk looked them over asked me for the numbers on my license plate, "don't know" I said "can't I get them for you later". "No" he told me "I need them now", "OK I'll go get them" I said, "can you keep the papers and let me come to the front when i get back, the trucks just in the parking lot". "No " he said "you'll have to start at back, wouldn't be fair" I tried stating my case that I had been here for an hour but it wasn't going to work so I headed out the door in an unhappy state of mind because I had noticed there was about 50 people in the line.

So I went out, got the number and started at the end of the bloody line again. Now it wasn't lost on me as I plodded inch by inch towards the front again that there were 6 wickets, but only 2 were open. I could also see that there were about 10 people in the office at desks behind the counter and I couldn't help wondering if there was a good reason why some of them weren't at the front taking care of people. After another 45 minutes I finally got to the front of the line and as luck would have it the wicket that opened up when it was my turn brought me to the same guy. Once again I produced the necessary papers and gave him the number on the old license plate. "Where's the plate" he asked " on the truck " I said, "well I need it, you have to give it to me to get a new plate", "but you never told me that" I said "all you asked me for was the numbers". Now when I start to get really mad, which only happens about once every 10 years I start to have trouble breathing and I was in that state when a sentence came out of his mouth that I am sure about 10 seconds after he said he must of been thinking, now why the hell did I say that. From where I was standing it was npt only what he said but the snide little inflection he gave to " you were supposed to know".

The counter was elevated, one of those ones that you rest your elbows on, and was sitting on a stool so when I reached across and grabbed him by the tie, I was able to pull him off the stool towards me get two of my fingers behind his collar and when I gave it a bit of a twist it pretty well cut off his air. To this day I can hardly believe I did it, but the stars must have been lined up right is about the only excuse I can come up with. Anyway he was putting on quite a performance as I held him there both of us unable to speak and him with his eyes starting to bulge. His supervisor came running over and slowly I let my grip go. As I started getting my breath back I tried explaining in a slow calm voice to the supervisor what was going on. He took me to the side and we sat down at his desk and he did the transaction hinself, I have to thank him for that because I probably could have been in a lot of trouble. And the irony of the thing, I never had to turn in the plate. So those were my experiences with Government and armed with that I went to work.

I quickly discovered that once the problems that had existed in that office was neutralized working for Government could be lots of fun. You don't have to work very hard physically, there is very little pressure because the work thats there is not very demanding, and you can get some personal gratification from helping people. Added to that was the fact that in 1983 a regional office could operate without much interaction with Charlottetown, they weren't interested in you so long as you didn't ask for money and the local politicians were happy. All in all we were a pretty happy crew.

I can't exactly say when Government started to come apart, but I would guess it was about 90/91 and each successive year got a bit worse. I have tried to put my finger on what caused it and over the years as conditions deteriorated by degrees came to a few conclusions which would probably be agreed to by the rank and file of gov't workers but strenuously opposed by management.

You see the problem is always with management, because they are the ones that set the tone, they don't do the work but they have control of the work environment. I guess I first noticed it in Health & Soxial Services because it was most evident there, a proliferation of managers armed with Masters Degrees who came into Gov't with an attitude that did not demonstrate respect to those who had been working in government and essentially running it for years. When you mix that with little practical experience you create what amounts to a poisoned workplace.

Health seems to be the most fucked up Department and the impression the general public gets is that each year it demands more money but produces less. I happen to know quite a few people who work in the Health field so I have asked on different occaissions what they feel is the problem and it always comes back the same, to many managers not enough workers. Now I'm not into a hospital very often but when I am I have noticed something, a whole crew of nurses behind a counter but not many out where the patients are - hmmm starts you wondering. I had an opportunity to see the system in action one time. I was visiting in Victoria and my son in law hurt himself at his Karate school and had to be taken to the emergency room at the Royal Jubilee Hospital. I was recruited to go over and find out what his state was. I arrived and inquired at the front counter. I got nothing from the girl sitting there and was told to take a seat. Now what I noticed was that she didn't call anyone to get the information I was looking for. I also noticed that they were having a slow night because I was the only person there. After about 15 minutes I worked my way down a hall and found where they store the bodies that come into emergency. It didn't take to long until I located Rob who was flat on his back on a bed with wheels on it. He had been there for a while and was going to be taken somewhere for an x-ray. After we talked a bit a little nurse came rushing in and started doing something, and explained to us what was going on, she had been trying to set up the x-ray and had been upstairs looking for a technician. She wasn't very big so I helped her push the gurney up the hall to the elevator and we took a ride to the floor housing the necessary equipment. Down the hall we rolled and when we parked the bed she disappeared into a room and when she came out told me they would get him taken care of soon. I believe thats what she understood from her discussions with the tech. But after about 10 minutes when no one arrived I again sloothed my way around and took up a position where I could see into the staff room on the floor. There were three people sitting around a table having a great old gossippy time, so I waited and started thinking about what I had seen thus far and it wasn't much action.

Eventually the coffee klatch broke up and an x-ray was taken, a little later a photo was produced and attached to the gurney in a big envelope. At some point I realized that we could be in for a long wait as we appeared to have been abandoned so I rolled the bed over to the elevator and back to the curtained off area on the first floor we had started from. This was when I started my investigation. By this time I had determined I had a free run of the place so I went about blending in and counting activity. First I determined there was 23 people somehow associated with emergency, there were now 2 additional patients in the area. I spent an interesting 15 minutes listening to three doctors discussing the merits of burning Arbutus wood in the their fireplaces and how hard it could be on a chainsaw. Interesting but, why isn't anyone looking at the bodies.

Leaning against a wall I eavesdropped and shared the excitement of a recent wedding with a middle aged woman and her sister who was on the other end of a phone. Armed with my new found mobility and I seeing I was one of the gang now I headed unchallenged back to the reception and thought what the hell, I'll inquire about Rob. I didn't get anymore information than I had the first time but did take note that there was another case had arrived and discussion ws taking place in the waiting area about it wouldn't be long now until they would be seen. I didn't have the heart to let them know about the social club in the back.

As the evening progressed I got the distinct impression that this crew didn't give a collective damn about respecting the time of the poor saps in the emergency waiting room. Maybe medicine does that to you. I had a Doctor friend tell me once that 90% of the people he saw had no business coming in to see him. He was concerned that so much of his practice was built around , smoking, obesity, lack of exercise and poor eating habits that he was always afraid he would be lulled into such a state of apathy he would miss the real thing when it came along.
The point of the emergency room experience is that everyone there was managing the operation and except for the one little nurse no one was doing any work associated with comforting or treating the sick. And that is where the management style that Government has adopted kicks in.

Generally Government middle management which is where the growth has taken place over the past 15 years has become a place where the most important skill is being able to attend and play the meeting game. The purpose of work has gone from doing something to being a part of a big fucking, mindless, leaderless team. I would try to avoid meetings at all cost during the time I was with Government and to keep from falling asleep I used to play a little game in my head. Add up the number of people in the room, then try to figure out what the salary of each participant was, then do the Math and try to break that down to what it cost on a per minute basis for each one. Add these together and I would arrive at a cost for the meeting on a per minute basis.

Then I would try to slot each person into a category and everyone would fit. One , the bored out of their mind group. Two, the try to impress everyone with how smart you are group, Three, the avoid being pinned into saying anything bunch, Four, the agree with the majority crowd, Five, the agree with anything your supoervisor says, Six, usually there are 2 people in most meetings who actually would like to get something concrete done.

Another game I would play was to try to determine if there was anyone there who actually understood what the meeting was about and had enough knowledge of the situation to solve the problem. I came to understand there was few of these around and when you did find them they were good people to have around but they are a vanishing species. And they are vanishing because they are seen as a threat to the system. This group doesn't see the whole thing as a game where the only objective is self preservation, but as an exercise where they can contribute something meaningful that gives them self satisfaction.

You see modern Government has nothing to do with solving problems, its about managing situations and the participants position in the organization. There is no future in fixing anything. If it gets fixed, it works and you don't have to tinker with it anymore and if you can't tinker what the hell is there for a psycho nazi manager. And it becomes that simple. The administrative assistants and the clerks who do the work of Government fully understand this. When they arrive to work each morning they know what their purpose is and if they are left alone will keep everything running smoothly. Its the management who continually fuck the whole thing up by tinkering with the system in the name of progress.

If you are with government long enough you will come to understand that ideas are pegged onto a big wheel that is constantly revolving. There are no new ideas only recycled ones and with each recycling the people who have to do the work are the ones who have to figure it out again how to make it work.

Much as I hated Pierre Trudeau I have to give him credit for the clarity of some of his thinking. he was on occaission able to cut through all of the crap and zero in on the core of what was happening. About Government he made this observation; I observed quite early in my career that many organizations that were operating smoothly would have someone come along and reorganized them. I came to understand that this was a wonderful tool of management because it created the illusion of progress, but I also realized that in reality all it did was create confusion.

Every new manager in Government understands the same thing, that what they have inherited is all fucked up and they have to manage it by laying their unique brand of thinking on the staff. It doesn't matter how well something is running, there is a lemming like impulse to shake things up, and it has nothing to do with making things better. If things got better, all the managers in Government would be out of a job.

The awfull ugly truth is that you could send everyone in Government home except the accounting people, the clerks and the administration assistants and no one would even notice they weren't around for about six months.

You see there is no future in solving problems, there is only a future in managing problems, if a problem is solved there is nothing left to do that the admin people can't handle.

There are another group that are even worse than the stir the pot and get everyone riled up group and these are the create a crisis bunch. Yes believe it or not there is a whole sub-culture in Government, particularly in the health sector that owe their survival to creating crisis. Now these crisis are always hard to measure because they involve people.

This group convinces their superiors that they are run off their feet because their case load is so high that dire things are going to happen if the department doesn't take immediate action to increase staff. Its exactly what happened with McCarthyism, there was a bogeyman behind every bush and woe to the person who observes "there is no bogeyman there its just your imagination". And its real difficult to deal with the crisis bunch because its practioners are nearly always zealots and it takes more energy and there is risk involved to not agree.

Another of the unfortunate aspects of a bloated management structure is that because there isn't enough work for people to do, they spend time thinking of issues that the ordinary citizen need to be saved from. In the corporate marketing world its called creating a demand for a product you have invented but for which there is no demend for. These are similar to the crisis bunch but sometimes these guys are motivated, not just by self preservation, but by a heartfelt belief they can solve everything that ails you, your friends, society in general and maybe even the world.

The misguided approach has a fundamental flaw because it forces government into issues that we don't need saving from, it has at its roots, an elitism that believes they know more than the people they serve. Government can't and shouldn't try to solve every problem. I'll give you a poor example.

Prince Edward Island has a vehicle inspection policy. Once a year each vehicle is supposed to undergo an examination by an expert to determine its in safe working condition. Now the very best I can say about this nonsense is maybe, just maybe it can be determined that for one day each year a vehicle is in a safe condition. I think most other Provinces scrapped the inspection of passenger cars years ago when they realized how foolish this regulation was. Now I say maybe for a whole lot of reasons the first I guarantee you I can get virtually any vehicle no matter what its condition inspected and passed, why, because the world and the people in it aren't perfect and friends will do you a favour from time to time it's how PEI works.

No one sets about to drive an unsafe vehicle, I guarantee you that the overwhelming majority of PEI vehicle owners don't want their wife and kids driving around in a car where the brakes are about to blow and the front end is ready to fly apart. Believe it or not people do maintain their cars so for the 80% of Islanders who fall into this category its just a way of making a donation to a local garage. But in real life there is a powerful reality thing called time and chance and it happens to everyone. A stone can fly up and damage a brake line where you can never see it, a tire picks up a nail and blows, these things aren't prevented by vehicle inspections.

One of the things that bothers me the most is that if you don't understand cars its awfully easy to be taken to the cleaners. If you want to make a fortune in the automobile repair business learn to say "ball joints", better yet string it into a sentence ", them ball joints are in pretty bad shape". Vehicle inspections have turned PEI into the ball joint replacement capital of the world. I swear its true. Whenever I have had my car up on a hoist and being looked at by someone I don't know, I can tell you I am going to hear about my ball joints no matter what the car is in for.

Because I'm a man the comment will be low key, "should probably start to think about replacing those ball joints, probably be OK for a bit but I wouldn't leave them for to long. The bastards they are setting me up for the next guy, I think they all work together.

If you're a woman on PEI with a car, they drive the old "ball joint stake" right into your heart. "It's not really safe to drive that car much farther without changing those ball joints' they'll tell you, the more they are sure there is no man in the picture the more forceful it becomes.

One of my daughters and her children moved home a few years ago and lived with us for about 10 months. One day she called me from town in a panic, she had been in a garage getting her oil changed when they pulled the old "ball joint stake in the heart' on her.

By the panic in her voice I could tell that her perception of the situation was that if she took the car on the road the steering was going to fail, she would veer head on into a transport truck and she, her children, dog friends etc would all be instantly killed and it would happen on her way home from the garage. "Get a written quote" I said "and then come on home, nothing is going to happen to your car the ball joints are fine". How could I be so confident so ask, well its because we had put new ball joints on the car 2 months previous because they legitimately needed it.

Armed with the quotation I took the car back to the garage the next day, "lets put it up on the hoist" I said, the drool was starting to form in the mechanics mouth, but then I added "and I'll take a look at it with you." The effect on the drool was similar to covering a baby with talcum powder, there's an old expression my grandfather used to use "dryer than a popcorn fart" well, that was the new condition of his mouth. A miracle had occurred and the ball joints seemed to have healed themselves, I'm going to report you to the people who run the Vehicle Inspection Program I said, and like the little red hen, thats just what I did.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Boys and Guns

I came across a definition for a term that I heard from my father the other day. he used "mexican standoff" to describe a showdown where no one could be a winner. The definition I found was similar and was " a situation where nothing can be expected" which puts a more derogatory slant on it. I like the first one best. I guess it was on my mind because of the NHL labour dispute which seems to fit nicely with the term.

When I was about 17 years old and living on a farm in Saskatchewan having a gun was a part of life. Everyone had at least one and most 3 or 4. I had a little single shot .22 and a bolt action with target shooting sights on it. A Cooey single shot shotgun that actually had a hammer on it that you had to pull back to cock. It was quite a gun and was quite possibly the first one that ever came off its assembly line. I got it from my grandfather and used to say it was as ancient as he was.

Now this gun had a particular quirk to it. It had been fired so many times the parts had worn out. When you broke it to put a shell in and closed it back up, the brass of the shell was visible where the barrel and hammer assembly met. Every time you fired, it came apart and ended up in three pieces. The butt which you kept in your hand, a piece of wood that served for a cradle the barrel rested in which stayed in your left had and the barrel which broke off and fell to the ground. Quite an operation, it was like loading up a musket to get the second shot off. But it seemed normal to me at the time.

I spent a lot of time hunting, just wandering around the countryside putting miles on shoes, all by myself and enjoying being outside. One fall afternoon I decided I would take a walk over to Carletons slough, about 3/4 of a mile away to see what was around, ducks, geese, muskrats, everything was in peril on these forays.

The slough covered about 75 acres and wasn't more than about 3 feet deep anywhere. It was weed infested and had about 3 feet of duckshit accumulated from millions of mallards over 10,000 years. I had learned early that if you stepped off the bank you would sink right up to your waste in this soup. So when you were shooting you had to make sure that the duck was over land because if it landed even ten feet into the water you couldn't get it.

I was having not to bad a day and after an hour or so of walking I had shot a few ducks. As I came out of a cluster of willow bushes on the far side of the slough I suddenly came face to face with another hunter. And not just any hunter, but my arch enemy of the world, I find it hard to believe that I am not certain of his name but I think his last name was "Rorke" . There was a real history between us and had been involved in several knock down drag out fist fights including one about two weeks previously on the school bus where I had emerged victorius after driving his face into the floorboards and bloodying his nose pretty good.

He was one of those kids who was just a "bad cat", he lived in town and had a reputation as being in trouble a lot. He had an uncle who had a shack about 1/2 mile from the slough and his parents would sometimes send him out for a few days to stay with him. The last time I heard about him he was in Montreal and had been arrested for some type of criminal activity which didn't surprise me.

So here we were, both of us surprised as hell and face to face, me with my trusty single shot Cooey and him with a .22. Somehow we got past our recent squabble and decided to continue the hunt together. The prime candidate for slaughter was duck and the weapon of choice on a duck hunt, the shotgun. As we moved along I added some more ducks to my tally and he was being skunked, its damn hard to hit a duck on the wing with a .22 so at some point he made the suggestion we trade guns, so he could get a few.

"Well OK" I must have said because the switch was made and I gave him 5 off my precious Canuck Brand bright red # 6 shot shells and he gave me the .22 and some ammo. Now how did I know it was 5 shells, because I didn't have much money and one of the ways I counted how wealthy I was came down to how many shotgun shells did I have. Over the next hour as we continued on our hunt he fired 2 shots and got one duck. We finally ended up in Stan Careltons yard whose homestead bordered the slough and was the closest point to where I lived. It was time to split up and each go our separate ways, we exchanged guns and ammo, but something was wrong, he only gave me two shotgun shells back. "Where's my other shell" I said, "You only gave me four" he replied. "Let me search you" I said, he came back with, "Don't you fucking touch me". Our relationship was quickly returning to what we were used to.

So there we were. I can't remember who moved first, but it wasn't long before somebody pointed a gun to emphasize his position. A challenge that was quickily met, and soon the situation evolved to a state where the barrel of his .22 was resting on the bone that runs between my nose and my left eye and he was facing my Cooey with the hammer back, jammed in the soft flesh of his neck resting on the Y of his wishbone.

No one was saying anything and we were eye ball to eyeball, each of us trying not to blink. And at least one of us was thinking "how in the fuck am I going to get out of this".

I wouldn't have a clue how long we stood like that, but it seemed like a long, long time until we heard the sound of a spring door shutting. Across the yard came Helen Carleton who had started yelling at us as soon as she came out the door. She must have sized up the situation from her window and I could tell from her voice that she was feeling a lot of stress.

Helen was a large woman, not fat but about 5' 10" and maybe 20 pounds overweight. She was quite attractive in an old fashioned calico dress sort of way, and today she was about the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. I used to wonder how she ever ended up with Stan who was as homely as a hedge fence and had a perpetual smell of old chewing tobacco about him.

She kept getting closer, yelling all the time for us to stop, and put those things down. When she got about 10 feet await she tried reasoning with us, her voice sometimes breaking up under the strain. I wondered if was thinking she would have to tell my mother I was dead if we ended up gunning each other down. Its strange what goes through your head when you are in a situation like that. I clearly remember what had been going thorugh mine after I got past the "what the hell am I going to do". I evaluated my options.

What if he fired first, would I have time get my shot off. Thats a poor train of thought when you are holding a weapon with a hair trigger and it didn't take much of a jiggle to set off the old Cooey. What if I fired first and jerked my head to the right, would I have cleared myself before he could squeeze. I even thought about various forms of a 1-2-3 countdown where we moved our guns to the side simultaneously, but concluded I couldn't trust him, he would probably shoot me as soon as I moved my gun off him.

Pray to God you never find yourself in this kind of a situation because it will haunt you from time to time throughout your life.

I don't even know what ended it, maybe it was when Helen started to cry, but somehow the guns were dropped and we each headed home, my parting shot " I still want my shell back you fucking prick". Everything between Jim and Rorke was back to normal.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Its hard to think long term

It is a strong instinct for every person to direct their thought towards what is happening to them today. After all it is what is in front of us, what we can see and feel that influences us most. If we have a hot stove in our home we don't put our hand on it and if we have small children we try to teach them about hot, thats the immediate reaction, but how many of would go further and take action that still allows for the heat, but develop a solution that ensures no-one can be burned. In most instances the thought of the long term solution wouldn't even occur. I have been following the NHL talks because it is such a contrast in short and long term planning. Forget the side issues, concentrate on the big picture.

Whether you agree with it or not the NHL expanded into a bunch of cities in the south that were certainly non traditional markets and it is no secret that many of these teams are hanging on by the skin of their teeth financially. There simply aren't enough bums in the seats in these arenas, so we get an abnormal business situation developing, the teams in the hockey hotbed markets are doing well but the further south you go the smell of hockey popularity could be compared to that of an aging and unwashed jockstrap.

Now from the players perspective, there are lots of jobs and lots of money, and on the surface they are right but its like the song "All the gold in California, is in the middle of a Bank in Beverly Hills, in somebody elses name. But what they don't realize is that they are in a surreal situation. Collectively there is lots of money but its in the names of the New York Rangers, Toronto Maple Leafs, Detroit Red Wings, Boston Bruins, New Jersey Devils etc. These guys could give a shit if their payroll is $30 million or $60 million. But Phoenix, Atlanta, Nashville, Florida, Tampa Bay etc simply can't make it on the revenue structure they have where they are located. So lets look past the big pot of money, acknowledge that some people have it and others don't, which means we recognize that its not community property, lets look down the road a bit.

Here are the facts, we have 30 NHL teams and if Gary Bettmans vision of a chicken in every pot or an NHL franchise in every city had not been undertaken the 18 teams in traditional markets would probably be doing very well, the players on these teams would be making a lot more than they are now and 300 players currently making $750.000.00 per year would be flipping burgers at $7.00 per hour. The players association is ignoring the fact that these Southern cities are not hockey meccas and that without out them the league would be radically different and this strike/lockout would never be taking place.

The owners are in a screwed up position as well, expansion was a product of greed. You see each time a new team was added a big fat entrance fee was paid to the NHL (who is the NHL, why its the existing owners) Who gets these expansion fees ( why the owners do, its free money, like selling air). Short term gain, but long term pain because now the league has to look out for the interests of these fucked up frankensteins they parented.

And the union has to look out for all these guys who are one step from the MacDonalds griddle, but nobody is taking a look down that long dark road. Excuse me I'm wrong somebody is and much that I hate to admit it, its that little weasel Gary Bettman and the owners. The ugly harsh reality of the whole mess is that if the cost of operating a team can not be rationalized for the bottom feeders then the only solution is to, euthanize them, or let them starve to death, but the bottom line is they will cease to exist.

So if the union wants to keep its 700 members and the league wants to continue with 30 teams they had better agree to a solution that ensures the future of their weaker members.

For the fans, probably the best thing that could happen to the game would be for the number of teams to shrink by 50%. Wow, just think of the rosters and the quality of the game, no more need of the trap to even things out for the lesser quality players, a concentration of talent that makes the real hockey fan drool and with the de-americanizing of the game it will return to its roots, and the instigator rule which efectively killed the game will be sent to that big penalty box in the sky from which there is no return.

And the real hockey people all shouted out hallelujah and amen!!

NOTE: Do you think more people in the south would have come to the games if they thought they might see John Ferguson and Terry O'Reilly face off, you're damn right they would have. I think the NHL and their drive for political correctness ended up shooting themselves in the foot, instead of pushing hockey they ended up hawking mumblypeg.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

A Visit to the Post Office

I am so sick and tired of phoning Government agencies or Departments and not being able to get past an answering macine that more than likely will give me message choices that don't have anything to do with what I want. The other day we had to ship a document to Ottawa that needed a next morning delivery. Because it was a government tender we needed to use Canada Post instead of Fedex or one of the other parcel Companies. Now we don't use them often so I thought the reasonable thing to do was to call them and find out the procedure, pickup, delivery policy etc.

If you want to use Fedex or Purolator when you call them they will ask for your phone number or Postal Code which links to your account number, if you don't have an account they set one up for you, only takes a minute. So I pick up in the phone book, the first thing you find out is that the Post Office doen't identify themselves as Canada Post, now in the PEI phone book there are twenty courier services listed. So if you don't know that the Canada Post service is called Priority Courier you better get your dialing finger warmed up, but before you start take a Valium you are going to need it.

So I dial Priority Post and get a message something like, do you want English or French and I press the # 1 for English, and then get a message that greets me and says that my call may be monitored to ensure quality, Ok I have no trouble with that because I really think that the Post Office should offer quality service, after a pause we move on to the message, "most of our services are closed for the day" a pause, but I can press # 1 if I am a business, now we are getting somewhere.

So I do the # 1 thing and am then asked to enter my Account number. This is about what I expected, now as we haven't used Canada Post as our Courier service we don't have an account number so the logical thing in my mind is that I will next set one up over the phone or be told how I do it.

A voice activates and tells me to press # 1 to return to the previous menu or the "star" to correct an entry, I am just a tad confused but comply. Here is what I am thinking, probably I didn't listen to all the options at the previous menu, and instead of pressing # 1 because I am a business I should have stayed on the line longer. Sure enough, the same voice tells me I can Press # 2 if you are a residence, I wait, nothing else except a repeat of the 2 options. I stupidly try #1 again and get onto the merry go round. There is no way you can actually speak to a human being or find an option that will explain this account thing, what the f??? are they doing, trying to move my blood pressure to a level where I won't survive to bother them again.
OK, we have to use Canada Post in this instance so I trot off down to the Post Office to find out about an account.

"Hello"I say "how do I open an account so I can ship some documents to Ottawa", the guy at the counter says "$22.50", no explanation just "$22.50". I freeze for a second as I process the answer to my question, I come to the conclusion it is going to cost me $22.50 and the other counter person says to me, "How often do you ship things?"

Now this is a bit more like it, conversation, it doesn't answer my question about the account but I determine this is a bit more promising source of information than Mr. dollars and cents. I turn and reply "about 3 -4 times a year". "He doesn't need an account" the first guy says, "but maybe he wants one" the other person says.

The first guy looks at me, produces a big envelope and ignoring the other counter person tells me "that'll be $22.50. I am starting to understand why Postal workers turn on themselves and gun each other down, there is definitely tension in the air and I quickly decide I don't want to be around these two when the pistols come out.

Suddenly they are both speaking at once and over the course of the next few minutes I get a lot of information as they compete for my ear. End of story, I pay my $22.50, get the envelope and leave understanding that if I return it to the Post office before 3:30 pm that day it will be delivered before 10am in Ottawa tomorrow.

Now what if I wasn't in Charlottetown but maybe was 20 miles in the country. I would have had to drive into town to discover I didn't need an account to ship something, but could have an account if I wanted one, but I would have to go to a main postal outlet, fill out an application and after a period of time would either be approved or declined I guess.

Couldn't they have had an option that said "if you don't have an acount or can't remember your account number press # 3. Don't get me going because this is only minor compared to what you get at Veterans Affairs or Canada Pensions.

Monday, February 14, 2005

Attention Drugs Help Discipline or ADHD

We once had a dog that barked to much, this bloody thing would spend its days running back and forth along the fence that surrounded our yard yapping at everything that moved. It was annoying if you let it get to you so I got into the habit of tuning it out and after a while it was just another minor annoyance in life. But one that was manageable, I used to wonder if the dog could be broken of its constant running along the fence.

When the Ed Sullivan show was on television there was some kind of an animal act came out sometime during every show. Ed would grasp his elbow in one of his palms, place his free hand on his chin and in his distinctive showmanship drawl announce " and now----for all you kids out there---the amazing Parazelli Puppies". and out would scamper a guy in silk pants, his assisstant in a rockettes uniform and a bunch of prancing bright eyed doglettes. They performed amazing tricks, walked on their hands, did backflips, bark on command, walked on a tightrope or drove a mini-motorcycle. I would think, man those dogs must be smart to learn all that stuff, and the discipline, they kept in rows eveyone of them taking their turn at the right time and doing their special trick.

I was very impressed. What I didn't realize was that these dogs weren't all that smart, they were a product of a very patient owner who took the time to work with them and train them to behave in a certain manner.

Now my training of dogs record isn't good, when I was growing up on the farm there was really only one trick we would try to teach our dogs and we failed miserably. The trick - don't chase cars, the evidence of failure, Duke ain't coming home to dinner tonite and a new puppy is on the way. I think the lesson is, it takes work to manage the behaviour of a dog. My wife told me that and I think she is right. I did some research on the Internet and after reading the information on a number of sites feel I can summarize it with this statement, "Dog training is for every dog, regardless of breed or size and let me be so bold as to say, I think that applies to kids as well"

Now back to the barking dog, I think we could have lived with it but we had a neighbour who wanted to sleep in the afternoon and our dog was disturbing him. Now we had a number of options and each was considered.

1. Have the dog put down because of its behaviour.
2. Give the dog to the SPCA
3. Give it to someone who was deaf.
4. Train the dog
5. Seek advice from a vet.

Options one and two were quickly dismissed, option three, we didn't know anyone who was deaf, four, we didn't have the time or discipline to train the dog so five became the preferred solution. The dog was dutifully dragged off to the Atlantic Veterinary College in Charlottetown for a clinical analysis and recommendations to solve the barking problem. TaDa--- a solution, there is a little white pill about 1/4 the size of an Aspirin tablet called "phenabarbitol" Use: Phenobarbital is used to control seizures in animals with epilepsy. Because it also causes drowsiness, it has sometimes been used as a tranquilizer/sedative in animals.

So armed with a bottle of these pills we began to dutifully administer about 1/2 a pill every morning and a miracle took place. This dog that would spend her days running around her yard suddenly became a slug, spending her days sleeping and going through the motions of being a dog. The days we would forget to give her a fix she would return to her usual exuberant and happy dog self. Eventually we thought this is wrong, lets find a more suitable home with less stimulation at hand. (Like a car going by every few minutes) a placement was done and last we heard dog and owner were doing fine.

Some time later I had a terrible toothache start on the weekend. I tried everything, aspirin, aspergum, tooth drops, but nothing seemed to work. Then I remembered the bottle of "phenabarbitol" I was desperate so I popped one of those little white pills in my mouth, nothing seemed to be happening so I took another one, after a bit I felt that maybe the pain was dulling a bit so I went to the well one more time. Hallelujah it was working and life was becoming liveable again. The next thing I remember it was 5 o.clock in the morning and I was laying flat out in the kitchen floor with my face pressed against the floor. I don't have much experience with drugs but that was a definite lesson for me, drugs can have a dramatic influence on how your mind and body operates that separates you from reality. It was a real eye opener and I remember the drift towards unreality as the pain and my mind numbed. S

o what is this all about anyway.

Well its about the behaviour buzzword of the the last ten years. ADHD or in the clinical jargon of the day "Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Syndrome" and in my jargon ATTENTION DRUGS HELP DISCIPLINE.

It takes a lot of work and dedication to successfully manage a childs development and if they bother you because of their wild behaviour your options don't include having them put down, or giving them to the SPCA, its fairly difficult to give a child away privately and there are not that many deaf people around so that leaves, spend the time to train them about what is appropriate behaviour, or drug them. Modern parenting is tough because of the time demands on most working parents, not that parents of 40 years ago didn't work, of course they did. Believe it or not before TV, families did things together and when you do things together its like a giant training sesion. I watch a lot of travel television and have seen many programs about jungle tribes and you know what strikes me the most. No crying whining little princes and princesses, just kids participating with adults in learning how to successfully live and survive with the tribe. If you don't belive me watch a documentary about a tribe, the contrast with our modern children and the super stimulated lives they live is incredible.

I don't blame the modern parent, its just the environment we are in and everyone is trying to do the best they can. But seeing as how people have a tendency to be like water, and problem solving flows to the easiest solution, so because time and lifestyle are under such pressure off the child is trucked to the doctor ADHD raises its ugly head and the child is put into a drug induced state. If you don't forget the medicine your parenting life enters a blissfull state as glassy eyed little Johnny or Jill wanders around in a perpetual state of numbness and ceases causing you any grief.

Trouble is, its no different than getting a pass in school when nothing is being learned, at some point the rubber hits the road and when they leave your control and the pill popping stops life can get brutally tough. Way to go Squibb

Friday, February 11, 2005

I see Prince Charles is getting Married again

I remember the first time I saw a picture of Diana Spencer with those big fluttering eyelashes, the head slightly turned down, neck coyly arched, the simpering smile and when I looked deep enough I could see a crazy little man dancing in her head. Second time around I'd say he has learned his lesson. I think he and Camilla Parker Bowles are very deeply in love and for the right reasons, they like and respect one another and look at what they have put up with. Intense criticism, scrutiny, public ridicule and hatred by Diana fans, infact Camilla was even spit on at an event, but she smiled and kept her dignity, now thats a woman. And now that they have announced they are being married and when Charles ascends the throne could rightfully inhereit the title queen, she said no, I think I'll just stay in the background and be a support.

Prince Charles I thought when I first saw Diana, you poor stupid bugger you are marrying a 100% certifiable whacko trophy wife. Now a trophy wife whacko can be managed, all he had to do was keep your distance but spend learn to spend time with her in the presence of other people, particularly strangers. whackiness goes underground in the presence of strangers. And I know exactly what did them in, Now if I could see that from 5000 miles away and tell from just a glance at a picture, whats wrong with the antennae of the people in England. Poor Charles, he must have been stunned when his dick dried off and he looked around and saw what he had.

The whole thing fell apart because she had no respect for the tradition of the British Monarchy. She could have been, and in a way was the unofficial perfect spokesperson for the "me" generation. I know there is lots of opposition to the continuation of the Queen etc as the figurehead of the British gov't but I think any great nation needs symbols, they remind us where we have been. In todays society everyone wants to think that the world began the day they were born and Diana was leading the parade. She never caught on that being a royal meant representing a thousand years of the history of the British people, and that can be a damn demanding, self sacrificing tough job. You see she never caught on that the position of privilege came with a trade off. For every hour that you spent at Royal Ascot or at a Royal performance, having a wonderful time at a ball wearing the latest Christian Dior gown, a million dollar necklace and overhearing people gasping about how gorgeous she was you were expected to spend an hour in the pits with the unclean.

Much of what the royal family does has no glamour attached to it and she passively bucked against that. During the first decade they were together you could tell that her heart just was'nt into that kind of servitude. "Come on Charles" lets stay home and let the courtiers hang around" "Now Diana you know we have to go and visit the sick miners hospital and give a little encouragement to the ones dying form black lung, and then we have to attend a meeting to hand out some awards to a class of fromer druggies who completed their GED's, you know build them up, and all that stuff." " But Charles, I don't waaaaannnnaaaa go, you know they're gonna cough some of that black stuff and it might get on my dress. Think back to photos etc through this period and the passive aggressive, whiney bitch shit is all there.

But the world sopped up and remembers her from the crap dished out after she got herself a publicist etc and set about marketing Diana. Not that she had any brains herself, but she surrounded herself with some who were able to image her in a damaging way to the monarchy and presenting her as the little lost princess. Hell of a marketing con, the boys at Procter and Gamble were impressed, I am sure. This crew could have convinced lung cancer patients that smoking was not all that bad. That set up photo at the Taj Mahal with her on the bench alone ( big fluttering eyelashes, the head slightly turned down, neck coyly arched, the sad smile) made me want to retch.

The thing that got me was that when she started identifying herself with charities and causes after Charles had given up on her, it was only as part of her public relations image building campaign. She was human so I am sure she did have empathy, but it somehow it doesn't carry the same weight with me when its just means to an end, I guess you can argue that charitable work is always good no matter what the motive is and I won't put up any resistance, but I still think what she did had a gut felt, basic immorality about it.

In the end she got what she wanted, she had fucked her way to fame twice. Prestige, wealth, notoriety, sympathy and for the last years of her life big time, good time, party person

She pulled the big bamboozala off and grabbed the crown, but I don't think she conned old Prince Phillip, I think he was onto her right from day one. I'm not a royal watcher but it was well known there was a cool relationship between them right from the start.

I always liked Prince Phillip because his public face showed me a man who was so confident in himself that he could walk 3 paces behind and it didn't intimidate him a bit. I've always admired people who do their duty and don't cause a flap. And its hard to fool a man who has made and survived these statements; When touring China he was overheard by a reporter saying to one of his aids, "be careful you don't eat to much rice while we are here or you will get slitty eyes" and when commenting on a water shortage in Great Britain made the following observation, "no wonder we have no water, we spend a pint and flush away a gallon.". You have to like a guy like that.

Rest in peace Diana, I feel sorry for you because you missed out on so much.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Somebody help this poor goober

Some news makes me happy, some helps me understand a complex subject and occaisionally I hear an item that puts me into a silent rage. Last night there was an item on that made me feel like going to the Ottawa Department of National Defence with a big ugly stick and straighten some bureaucrats, senior advisors etc up with a damn good pounding, thats how pissed off it made me.

Barbara Bud was interviewing an MP (Cheryl?) about a constituent of hers who was a member of JTF2 (Joint Task Force 2) a military unit which replaced The Airborne Division. Remember the disgraced Airborne Division, They had been in Somalia on a peacekeeping stint when a thief coming into their camp had been captured and killed. That incident kind of annoyed me, not with the guys who caught the thief, but with the nutcase commander who decided to send an elite combat unit into the middle of the desert to babysit a pile of relief supplies, about the most inappropriate deployment you could ever dream up.

I met a guy who had spent 6 months in Somailia and when he told me his experiences, it resulted in my having thoughts about taking that stick to Ottawa. He told me that after being there for a while you couldn't help but start to hate the men, and that all the Canadian troops felt the same. The reason, because of the way they treated women and children. I guess that in that culture men don't work, they expect women to do everything for them, grow food, gather wood, look after children and service the men. If there is food available the men take it, if they want something, they send a women or child to get it for them. He told me the men actually only did three things, laying around in the shade with their friends, looking to take or steal something and keeping every woman in the village pregnant.

Now please somebody tell me that the brass in Ottawa must have known these were the conditions, because if they didn't know there is something dreadfully wrong with the military's communication system.

So into this environment somebody decides, let us send in our shock troops to guard a pile of wheat. As I recall it "The Airborne Regiment" was kind of Canada's equivalent of the US Navy Seals or Britains SAS. Most countries with a sophisticated military have a unit like this. I think its the result of military commanders playing one to many games of "roguespear" and they get to feel game scenarios actually happen. I can see the grim faced men sitting around the big army board discussing "what do we do when terrorists come in and take over the headquarters of CCRA in an attempt to steal the content from their training manuals". The answer, we need a group of highly trained motherfucker killers to send in guns blazing so get them ready.

So The Airborne Division was developed, now even a fool like me can figure out that when a bunch of guys hear that a fighting unit is going to put together thats based on an army video game the volunteers jumping up are going to bring a new element to the definition of "macho man".

If there is a need for brute force and commando style tactics these are the guys you are going to send. Remember the TV images of the unit, shaved heads, bulging muscles from all the iron they pumped, tatoos, sloping forheads, raw meat on the mess table and a porn video playing in the background, get the picture.

So here are these guys sitting around for months in the sweltering heat being eating alive by sand fleas and building up a hate for these useless lumps of crap they see sitting around abusing their women and children, what the hell did headquarters think was going to happen if one of these guys breaks into their camp in the middle of the night and tries to steal their stuff. I can tell you he won't be threatened that if he doesn't shape up they'll write a letter home to his mother. What happened was wrong, but this unit should never have been placed in that situation. Wouldn't it have made more sense to have sent in some bean counter, yes sir, no sir regimented followers. Surely there is plenty of them in the military and they would have fit in fine.

But back to JTF2, Canada decided aftre the airborne was disbanded they needed an elite fighting unit so this was it. Now it seems that this group and what it does falls under the umbrella of National Security (whatever that is) after all this is Canada. The story as reported was about a JTF2 member who was injured while on an assignment (Afghanistan probably) and suffered an injury serious enough to affect his ability to work at things he was trained for so he left the service. Being disabled and a Veteran he applied for a military disability pension.

Here is where a cloud of steam begins to rise.

In order to receive a military disability pension the request goes to the Department of Veterans Affairs who review the circumstances and determine eligibility. To review the circumstances they get a copy of the incident reports in a persons file from National Defence, sounds pretty straightforward doesn't it, well here is where the gooney birds attempt flight.

Because the activities of JTF2 is considered to be a National Security issue they don't keep records or reports on their activities, it seems everything they do is considered clandestine. So we arrive at this situation, Veterans Affairs can't proceed because there is nothing to base a claim on because JTF2 officially doesn't do anything. The soldiers he served have been told that if they comment on the case to verify what happened they will be prosecuted for spilling the beans on a National Security issue. I say unless he fell out of heliocopter on some hairbrained scheme that failed like storming the KFC headquarters to get the list of secret ingredients, fess up. If it was Afghanistan and Osama Bin Ladens cronies,what the hell they probably already know we sent some guys over to shoot them.

Its getting pretty easy to see why this guy probably is feeling like visiting Ottawa himself with the big ugly stick I was talking about, that is if he is physically able to still swing it.
Now there is nothing I hate more than mindless bureaucracy and the inability of people in charge to make decisions. When you combine those elements within government you create incredible frustration for people and establish a case for completely eliminating the job of the bureacrat who can't get past not doing anything.

This guy doesn't stand a chance unless somebody goes to bat for him so might I suggest a solution. The Minister of National Defence calls the Minister of Veterans Affairs and says it looks one of our good guys is experiencing a problem the system can't handle so why don't we fix it up for him this morning and put his first cheque in the mail this afternoon. All it takes is a pea brain and some balls, Case closed

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

I Don't think I care for hockey anymore

I remember quite clearly when I realized that I was losing my appetite for NHL hockey. It suddenly dawned on me that the game wasn't exciting anymore. I was watching my usual Saturday night game. Now around my house this had become a ritual for me. You see we were a family where I had 5 daughters and I think one of the main reasons I never missed the Saturday night game was that it was the one time of the week that I put my foot down and would say, the TV is mine for the next three hours, you can whine, cry, plead, shout beg it doesn't matter Saturday Night is Hockey Night in Eldon.

Anyway in this particular game someone was slashed and went down clutching his arm. The whistle was blown, the trainer jumped over the bench, the players milled around, the player was helped from the ice, the fans gave him a big cheer as he neared the bench, he left the ice and disappeared down a hallway leading to a dressing room. The lines were changed, the puck was dropped and the game was back on. Sounds like a typical hockey game, right, suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks, I was watching rec hockey it was like watching flag football instead of tackle, my mind drifted back to a happier day, let me tell you how the scene should have unfolded.

Robinson gobbles up the puck behind the net and feeds it up the left side to Steve Shutt, he dances across the blue line and fires a pass to Lemaire breaking down the middle. Look out, its a tremendous hit by Terry O'Reilly. He caught Lemaire looking back for the puck and nailed him just before as crossed the red line. Lemaire is laying on the ice, here comes the trainer. Oh oh -- Ferguson is cruising around looking for O'Reilly, he says something and there go the gloves. They circle each other and start to throw them, Ferguson gets an arm loose and lands one, two, three rights, O'Reilly connects with one of his own and they go down, here come the linesmen. There they go the box now and O'Reilly gestures to Ferguson who is making gestures of his own.Here comes the announcement.

Montreal penalty Ferguson 5 minutes for fighting, Boston penalty Terry O'Reilly 5 minutes for fighting ---- the time 8:45.

Meanwhile in the broadcast booth,Danny Gallivan says to Dick Irvin, "that was a good one Dick You don't see Lemaire get caught like that with his head down, but the pass from Shutt was a bit behind him".

"Well Danny" says Dick "you could see that one coming Ferguson and O'Reilly were eyeing each other up earlier on and you knew there was going to fireworks".

The puck was dropped and the game was back on, a tough game, best played by tough men that allowed players like Guy LeFleur, Wayne Gretzky and Bobby Orr bring you to your feet every game. Touch them and you're dead meat and everyone knew it.

And then along came Gary Bettman with his plans for an expansion to the South and the Americanization of the game began by bringing in political correctness to the jungle. There were two problems, the first is that he didn't understand that hockey has a heart and a soul and they are spelled "intimidation", when you take that out of the game you create something that just isn't hockey. I think it started with Howie Meeker and his "golly gee look at those Europeans handle that puck", you see thats how 165 pounders think the game should be played.

Bettman and expansion came along at a time when political correctness was beginning to take root. And because he saw the game through the eyes of an intellectual 140 pound man who was never King Kong in the schoolyard he naturally put his stamp on the game as he could envision himself playing it. And his vision was similar to that of Howie Meeker, the problem is it left a bunch guys pumped up with testosterone with no way to let it out.

You see with the coming of The Instigator Rule, if you fought, your team was now penalized and it is a very strong emotion when you are playing a team sport that you don't let the team down, the result was each game builds up a lot of frustration which is evidenced by all the clutching and grabbing by a bunch of guys who are trying so hard to play by the "new rules". It was a sign of the times and followed the new thinking that men should become "sensitive communicators". Sounds like utopia, but there is going to be strange consequences that are unforseen when guys who naturally drag their knuckles on the ground and eat raw meat are forced to walk erect and become vegetarions.

What is so offensive about a hockey scrap anyway, clears the air and eliminates the guys who are kind of chicken at heart from acting out their agressions with some stick work because there is always the fear in the back of their head that if they whack someone, that the "enforcer" is going to hold them to account.

Once you remove fear, hockey becomes a different game, is that really to complicated to understand, it can't be and I see the pain in Don Cherrys eyes as he tries to get his points across each week. But Gary decided he wanted to take the raw edge off by eliminating fighting and we are now left with a bunch of sharks having to act like fantails doing their piroquettes when really they want to chew the arse out of everything that moves.

Gretzky was great because if you touched him Semenko or McSorley made you pay the price. Orr was magnificent and Wayne Cashman made sure he could do his stuff. These guardians of the stars brought the excitement of intimidation as they skated around and looked any potential aggressor in the eye and let them know that if they tried anything Mr. Knuckles would come a calling. What wonderful hockey, please bring back rules that create hockey teams where you need guys like John Ferguson, Tiger Williams, Orland Kurtenbach, John Wensink, Dave Schultz, Lou Fontanato, Chris Nilan and a hundred more like them, then you will have a game worth watching again.

Until then I am afraid I find NHL hockey to boring to waste my time with, the only thing I have watched Hockey Night in Canada forover the last 5 years is to catch Coach's Corner. If the NHL it ever starts up again I think my hockey watching will be limited to my Grand-sons, the Belfast Sabres Junior C's or I'll go into Charlottetown to see the PEI Rocket of the QMJHL, now thats more like hockey.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

The corrupting mud

I see in yesterdays paper an article where a female US soldier was demoted for mud wrestling and 5 soldier spectators received counselling. Interesting chain of events that brought back some memories. During the vietnam war a folk singer by the name of Arlo Guthrie had a very popular song called "Alice's Restaurant". As we all know the Vietnam war was a very bloody event where about 70,000 young American soldiers lost their lives and God only knows how many hundreds of thousands of Vietnamese were killed by both the Viet cong and the US military. Young Americans were drafted, put through basic training, taught to be killers of human beings and deployed to practice their craft.

Now the song talks about being called to report for the draft. During the interview process it was revealed that the potential inductee had been ticketed for littering and as a result was deemed unfit to serve in the US military. It seems the logic is that if you litter you are not fit to kill people. The irony was not lost on an entire generation.

So here we have serving in Iraq a group of young Americans as part of the 160th Military Police Battalion Reserve Unit who having spent a year being shot at, seeing their friends blown up and suffering from the stresses that come from that type of existence being sent home. They have served their country well, done their patriotic duty, survived what must have been a hellhole and are about to return to their loved ones. can you imagine that they might have had reason to celebrate and have a party.

At some point during the evening it was decided to have a mud wrestling event and some of the young women participated, the young men encouraged this and watched the proceedings. Now that sound like pretty normal behaviour to me for a group of 19 - 25 year olds in those circumstances. But I guess that the oppressing presence of "political correctness" once again raises its wacko head.

These are soldiers, trained to kill, young people exuberantly celebrating the completion of their duty. These are reservists who have just experienced the worst horrors they will ever see in their lives. If they are psychologically damaged it will be from these experiences, not from seeing someone roll in the mud in their underwear. This is America, the porn and sleaze capital of the world where corporate cheating, playing hardball with lives, living in a country run by lawyers, where the President sets the example of "its OK to get a blow job from a young girl" just because he was in a position of power. This is the America that produced Jeffery Dahmer, Heidi Fleiss, Hugh Heffner, Jimmy Jones and Hannibal the Cannibal, peep shows, Michael Jackson, Rowe vs Wade, Al Capone, Strom Thurmond, the KKK and Ted Kennedy yet someone thinks these kids will corrupt or be corrupted by mud wrestling.

So the Army decides that this girl should be punished as an example and the soldiers who watched are put in counselling.

Once again I guess its just to complicated for me to understand.

Monday, February 07, 2005

Ralph Klein sometimes makes perfect sense

I heard an item on the radio the other day from Alberta. Ralph Klein the often maligned defender of common sense Premier commented that he was considering removing any Provincial Tax associated with health clubs. His rationale was that if people exercise regularly they will be healthy and as such would cost the Province less for their health care.

Doesn't that make perfect sense, rewarding people for being active and particpating in exercise that every one of us knows contibutes to us leading a healthier and more productive and longer life. The personal rewards are huge, practioners feel better and have a higher level of self esteem There is a great feeling of accomplishment by being able to stick to something and proving to onesself that we have self discipline. The societal benefits are that the person leading an active healthy lifestyle relieves pressure the resources of our health care system by spending less time at the doctors office. way to go Ralph

Then we have the other end of the spectre. I believe here on Prince Edward Island we come in near the bottom of the pile when it comes to taking care of ourselves. One of the varieties of potatoes we have become adept at producing seems to be of the couch variety. I doubt if anyone on PEI would put up an argument there is personal and societal benefit to packing on the pounds. The person who contributes to their unhealthy condition because of their choice of lifestyle pay a personal penalty and society a financial one by having to maintain a health infrastructure that is more than it has to be.

In a bold move to reward a group of Islanders who have chosen to be active by walking regularly and spending time in the great outdoors by hitting a little white ball around, our Government has decided to penalize this group. Incidentally by participating in this exercise a whole industry is supported and people have jobs at the 26 Golf courses which seems to me like a good thing.

The reward for leading a healthier life here on PEI is that we now have to pay an additional 10% tax as our reward for costing the public purse less for our health care. I know that each year over the course of the golf season I lose 15 pounds from the walking I do and certainly feel better because of the regular exercise.

I resent this tax more than any other monies I contribute to government, it doesn't bother me to contribute my share towards keeping our public infrastructures in place but there is something basically wrong with this. And what is the rationalization for being so activity selective. I believe the same mean spirited arguement could be made for applying the tax to a whole range of good healthy activities, what about curling, bowling, canoeing, tennis, softball or soccer are all candidates for what is nothing less than tax grab, it gives the same benefits to those who participate.

Hooray Gov't of Alberta for applying some logic and far sightedness in rewarding a healthy lifestyle, for shame Gov't of Prince Edward Island for what you have done in penalizing Islanders who are finding enjoyment in a healthy activity they love.


Friday, February 04, 2005

The old double standard

As I was driving home today and listening to the radio, 2 news items came on back to back that caught my interest. I have to wonder if someone at the radio station put the stories one after another like that to see if anyone would catch on, I like to think they did.

The first was about a local government issue. The year end for Government is always March 31 each year. Within a few months of that the defecit for last year was established at $11 million. However over the year that figure became cloudy and yesterday (10 months after the fact) the Auditors office had determined it was actually $125 millon.

With the Auditors report came information of why this had occurred. The reasons included failure to follow procedure, lack of accountability, inadaquate internal controls, and breaking rules. There is also suspicion that some individuals connected with a deal Government had put together had somehow ended up with $24 million dollars in their pockets that they were not entitled to. This was followed by a Ministerial interview in which the blame for all of these woes were pointed towards everyone but those in charge.

After the interview we moved on to the next story. It seems that an investment firm that manages $800,000.000.00 has been suspended from opening new investment accounts in this area. The firm is being investigated and the Directors could face some criminal charges because they were the guys in charge. What was this all about----- it seems they failed to follow procedure, had not filed accountability documentation, had not demonstrated adequate internal controls and were suspected of breaking SEC rules.

Money is contributed to both from the public, in one case in the form of taxes and in the other voluntarily, but the bottom line is that responsible management of assets is expected in both instances. But my guess is that the politicians will get off the hook without investigation and the money managers will have every rock they ever pissed on turned over and examined carefully.

Struck me as kind of funny, in a sad way.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

I am starting to really like wine

My introduction to the drinking of wine got off to a really bad start. You can probably guess what happens when you are 19 years old and in an attempt to show the world that you can drink with the best mixed beer, hard liquor and wine at one party.

The only good thing about that night was one of my friends picked up my false teeth out of the pool of puke I was staring at. Now thats real friendship.

You would think I would learn my lesson but as the clock rolls forward about 8 years to New Years eve 1972 I once again found myself confronting a mixture of liquids that do not belong together. My wife and I were visiting with some friends and the husband was in the Canadian Navy. A pleasant evening as we sat around visiting and drinking some beer, but at about 10pm when the beer was gone he produced a bottle of Black overproof Rum he had brought back with him from the Caribbean which we proceeded to dispatch with. As could be predicted by anyone things began getting a bit unstable and if even a small amount of capacity for rational thought remained I would have run for cover when the next offering was brought forward.

He produced a gallon jug of a dark red very thick wine that he had traded for from a Portuguese sailor. I have never seen wine that was almost like a thin syrup in consistency before and after a few glasses of this I was once again on my knees trying to keep my head above the water line in our toilet. It made me so sick that for 25 years I couldn't even smell red wine without my stomach starting to reel.

But after 30 years I am coming to appreciate wine in a different capacity than as a means to get me drunk. I started making wine about 6 months ago and find that a glass or two of red wine in the evening or with a meal has benefit, it takes the edge off life and improves the taste of your food. I read now that it is considered to be good for your health. I guess the bible knows what it is talking about when in the book of Timothy it says "take a little wine for your stomach" and who am I to disagree with the bible.

Its a pleasant way to start winding the day down and if you don't have a drinking problem I recommend it to anyone. The biggest problem I have is keeping it away from my 4 oldest daughters. In order to keep them in wine I would have to convert an entire room in my house into a winery, I may have to put a lock on the door.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

I must be thick

I have been following the news from Iraq, both on Arab websites and the Western media. I find it very depressing to think of all the savagery that is taking place on a daily basis and of how peoples lives are in such turmoil.

What drives terrorists to use such barbaric tactics on an innocent civilian population. It is hard for me to rationalize the motivation. Put a bomb in a car and explode it beside people who happen to have chosen the wrong place to stand. What is achieved? I can understand targetting a military presence but why the innocents, what can possibly be achieved.

Even if I don't agree with a goal I realize that people will take actions to reach what they desire.

If militants want the US to leave shouldn't their war be directed towards the American soldier.
If destruction is directed towards a military target and unfortunately a civilian is hurt or killed at least you can see an element of chance and bad luck has occurred, but to deliberately set out to kill or maim these civilians is an act of undefensible evil.

If Islamic militants want the support of the ordinary Iraqui wouldn't it be wiser to befriend and support them rather than wreak death and destruction on a daily basis towards people who are only trying to get from one day to the next. Bob Dylan puts it in the best perspective with his line "It might be the Devil or it might be the Lord, but you're gonna have to serve somebody. I guess it takes a poet to put it words that explains things. Whether Christian or Muslim there is going to have a lot of explaining to do when nature runs its course and I don't think who has the biggest gun is going to count for much.

Barbara Tuchman said it in her Pulitzer prize winning book "The March of Folly" it makes a case that people will bring about their own downfall by participating in acts that are clearly against their best interests and if analysed by any reasonable person can easily be understood as contributing to their ultimate downfall. When Saddam Hussein invaded Iraq I wonder if these thoughts went through his head. It was widely understood and proclaimed by no less a person Henry Kissinger that the most entrenched cornerstone of United States foreign since the 1950's was "do not let anything threaten the oil supply". What did he think was going to happen if he invaded Kuwait and took over its oil and as a by product of that threatened the stability of Saudi oil. As Dr. Phil would say "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING". Every person worldwide has the same inner feelings about freedom. Freedom is on the march in Muslim countries and in twenty years Al Quaeda and its cronies will be widely recognized as being just another flavour of the month and the insurgents of today will look back and say "what the hell were we thinking".
When Osama Bin Laden undertook to plot and execute an attack like 9/11 did he not pause for a moment and think about what the American response would be. Talk about being the author of your own destruction.

I am not proposing that I agree with all American Foreign policy but I do understand what some of it is, but have a very difficult time with the fallout from the execution of that policy.

I support the ideals of freedom as entrenched in the constitutions of our Western democracies, but have to wonder why the Americans don't have a better grasp on respecting those same freedoms when they intervene. The American psyche maintains that they are doing Iraq a favour by freeing them and starting them down a path to democracy. Democracy is good, the methodology used is bad. Happens every time when you don't place a high value on the lives of people who are not your own. I think the worst phrase that has been coined in the last 50 years has to be "collatteral damage", tried in Vietnam but has really come into its own in the last 10 years. Its the ultimate ugliness in the politically correct world. I hate what it stands for, and hate it even more because it's a phrase deliberately invented to mask the horror of what it really is, the taking of innocent life because they happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. But I guess its cathartic to not have to have to say "we murdered innocent bystanders".